How Unexpected Detours Can Put You On The Right Path In The End
On September 18, 2018, we welcomed our second baby girl, “Ellie” into the world. From day one, we were smitten. She was an angel — 7lbs 12 oz, the most beautiful blue eyes, tiny pink fingers. She slept soundly, and she barely cried. She was perfect. And then, on her second day of life, we learned that she failed her newborn hearing screen.
The nurse informed us that often the tests were inaccurate and that it was common for babies born via cesarean to have a buildup of fluid in their ears. She was tested again before we left the hospital. One ear passed, one failed, so we had to come back in another week. My husband and I didn’t think much of it as we were completely enamored and enjoying life with our two daughters.
A week later, we went back for another test. She failed. Again, we chalked it up to fluid and poor testing circumstances.
A month later, we returned for a more detailed test, an auditory brainstem response or ABR. I’ll never forget sitting in the audiologist’s office and her giving us the diagnosis. Our daughter had severe to profound hearing loss. The severity and magnitude of those words didn’t quite register with me.
“Are you saying she’s deaf?” I had to ask her. The audiologist responded, “You could say that, yes.”
I was devastated. I felt as though life, as I knew it was over. What would raising a child with additional needs look like? What would happen to my career? What would people think of her? Of me? Did I do something to cause her hearing loss? How would my older daughter cope with all of this? Who would take care of her when I’m gone? I found myself wondering if I would ever be happy again. I was spiraling, but I knew that somehow I had to bounce back and be strong for Ellie and my family. I had to push the negativity aside and get through the fear and uncertainty. The following principles helped me find my bearings and get back on track. I’m sharing them for anyone who’s in a difficult place and needs a little help finding their way.
Helplessness Gives Way to Courage.
After Ellie’s diagnosis, every insecurity I had about myself seemed to fall away. I didn’t have time to over-analyze my weaknesses anymore. At once, I was completely vulnerable, but as I became her advocate, my strength, fortitude, and resilience grew.
When the shelter-in-place order began, I started teaching kids yoga classes online because I wanted to provide a way for parents and kids to connect and stay active. Ellie also had a positive response to yoga acting out different animal sounds and combining language with movement. This inspired me to use it as a tool to teach her and other kids with similar diagnoses. What started out as a fulfilling passion blossomed into my own business, Hop Along Yogi Kids Yoga, something I never dreamed of or even considered doing, but overcoming my fears associated with Ellie’s diagnosis gave me the confidence and courage to tackle any challenge thrown my way. I kept reminding myself that it’s not about where I’ve been but where I’m about to go.
Tiny Victories Create Big Momentum.
When your child has a health issue, you become hyper aware and hyper consumed by their progress. Along the journey, you value mini-milestones, even more than the great, big milestones like saying their first word. With Ellie, her first word was so amazing but the initial babbles, the learning-to-listen sounds (moo, shhh, ahhahh) created an even greater sense of pride because I knew we were on the right path. We celebrated (and will continue to celebrate) every tiny victory because each mini-milestone is the catalyst to an even greater achievement.
Community is Everything.
It was overwhelming and isolating when I found out about Ellie’s hearing loss. I shut down and shut people out. But when I opened up to my tribe, they pulled me through the hard times. I surrounded myself with positive people, a team of supporters — friends, therapists, Facebook groups who understood what I was experiencing, and I shared my story with them, and asked a lot of questions. The more I relied on people, the closer I felt to them which got me through the valleys.
Me-Time Makes Better We-Time.
I found myself thrust into a life-changing situation, one that I didn’t plan for and never saw coming. I was completely consumed by Ellie’s diagnosis and believed that the more I gave, the more I could ensure her success. But slowly the stress of constant care took its toll on my personal health, emotional state, and relationships. For me, starting Hop Along Yogi enabled me to re-ground myself. It provided the outlet I needed to better balance the needs of my children with my needs and share the benefits of yoga with more people. Through this experience, I found more fulfillment and pride than I ever anticipated, making me feel whole again.
Over the last two years, I’ve experienced my share of detours, but through them I’ve met new people, formed deeper personal connections, challenged myself in new ways and spent more time with the people I love. Now, my life doesn’t feel so much like a detour, it just feels like I travelled off the beaten path and discovered something truly wonderful.
Hop Along Yogi Kids Yoga is an active kids, mobile yoga studio based in Arlington Heights, IL.
